Me and the kids were tooling down the road heading for computer city.
"What kind of computer are we gonna buy, granddad?"
"Well, we want to get the latest model, kids. Something with a lot of jigga watts."
"How long til we get there, granddad?"
"Count to a million, l'il Charlie."
"Can you tell us a story, granddad? Something about the message bored or Piccadilly?"
"Sure, we've got a ways to go. Well, let's see. It was October of 2003 and it looked grim for all of us. Ronnie had embraced change and had given it up < apollo g's to Arsenio Hall > a few months prior and Azam had brought in a consultant to analyze the situation. And due to a shortfall in the pension plan, Jack Mac decided we had to sell the old girl."
"Sell Piccadilly? Were you sad, granddad?"
"Yeah I was sad and wondered what in the hell I was gonna do if we went belly-up. I had sent in my resume to Mad Magazine and had never heard from them. And I submitted a few of my posts to Random House and they sent back a cordial thank-you form letter with a big 'HUH?'
as a p.s. And my situation comedy 'Everybody Loves Catfish' was rejected by Hollywood."
"Sounds like you were up ship creek without a paddle, granddad."
"Yeah, kids, it looked like it was time to turn out the lights, the party's over."
"What happened, next, granddad? Did you go work with Uncle Bbq? Unclogging drains?"
"Well, Uncle Bbq was gracious in offering me a job, but I think he did it because he felt sorry for me. But then when all seemed lost and we were at our lowest ebb, a Greek concern bought the Piccadilly. We filed Chapter 11, erasing all of our old debts, and the Greeks started pumping money back into the old girl."
"Greek, granddad? Kinda like Sandy Fajitas? < imho > Did you have to change the menu?"
"Yes, we changed the menu and started selling cheeseburgers. Away went the dilly and the signature meal. And rowdy kids nite and all the special promotional items that worked in the beginning. But the change in the menu was confusing to the guests."
"How so, granddad?"
"Well, we had been serving dilly's and signature meals for years with 2 sides and bread. And if you wanted a super you added a side, dessert, and drink. And the guests were used to it, even tho they liked to make up their own rules about how it should work. But let's pretend I'm the server and l'il Charlie, you be the guest. O.K.? Now you're in the serving line at the lead meats < see pictruandtru > and place your order. Serve you?"
"I'd like fried chicken on a dilly, please!"
"Sorry. No fried chicken. Cheeseburger."
"Cheeseburger?"
"Cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger. Serve you?"
"I'd like a roast beef signature meal!"
"No roast beef. Cheeseburger."
"I'll take a cheeseburger then. And carrot souffle."
"No carrot souffle. Chips!"
"I'll take chips and iced tea."
"No iced tea. Pepsi!"
"That's all you sold, granddad?"
"Yes, kids, but it made your granddad's life a little easier. Cheeseburgers, chips, and pepsi. We even bought a few George Foreman grills for people that needed a low-fat diet. And when Mr. Onassis suspended rowdy kids nite, we were set to go. And sales skyrocketed. And soon we were trading again on the NY Stock Exchange."
"And what happened to hoots, granddad?"
"Hoots? Now that's a name from the past. Well, last thing I heard he was singing karaoke at Cat's Potpurri down in N'awlins. Heard he sings a mean "It's Just a Fantasy," Billy Joel's fav tune from back in the day. Hey, look. Computer City. We'll finish the story later. Now you rowdy kids behave."
"Jiggawatts. Yeah! Thanks for the story, granddad. When we get through shopping for a new computer, can we get something to eat?"
"Sure, we can get a cheeseburger at H.W. All laborde."
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