And we might as well throw in a picture of the fab 4. I'll cry instead, v.c. 

Probably my favourite. Action takes place on the "Orient Express." Stars Robert Shaw as an agent for Spectre, who is bested by Bond, James Bond. Shaw was Captain Quint in "Jaws." 20 footer!" "Twenty five." 

"The Killer" was my idol as a kid. With his "pumpin' piano." I had all of his 45's. On the infamous "Sun" Record Label. See Sam Phillips for more details. 

Danny and the Juniors singing "At the Hop." On American Bandstand. Tonite's trivia question: Who wrote the exciting theme that commenced the show. While investigating this foray, the producers who signed Danny had them change the lyrics from "Do the Bog," a dance that was on its way out to "At the Hop." They followed Hop with "Rock and Roll Is here to Stay." Bah, bah, bah oh baby, bah bah, bah, oh baby.....v.c. 

Great movie. Dennis Quaid was great. And he also played a little piano. Yesterday's picture was of Jerry Lee and his bride, Myra. Who just happened to be 13 years of age and his second cousin. Kissin' Cousins, eh? v.c. 

Who is this smiling couple? They look so much in love. Does it turn dour, er, sour? Everybody roots for a happy ending, eh? We'll have to wait and see. 

Thanks Again To The BBQ Man For Writing Tonite's Foray Into The Infantile!

I am better than your kids.

If you work in an office with lots of people, chances are that you work with a person who hangs pictures up that their kids have drawn. The pictures are always of some stupid flower or a tree with wheels. These pictures suck; I could draw pictures much better. In fact, I can spell, do math and run faster than your kids. So being that my skills are obviously superior to those of children, I've taken the liberty to judge art work done by other kids on the internet. I'll be assigning a grade A through F for each piece:

Megan, age 4
First of all, I don't even know what this is. If it's supposed to be a dog, then it's the shittiest dog I've ever seen. F
 

Kyle, 8, wants your approval and perusal, v.c.

You spelled America wrong asshole. Also, I could have sworn America's colors were red, white and blue. There's no yellow anywhere, traitor.F
 

Lisa, age 6. Holy shit, I almost had a seizure when I saw this one. Three words: too many colors. Also, eggs aren't supposed to have ears, dipshit.F
 

Cameron, age 4.
Terrible. F
 

10 year old Bryce:
This one wouldn't be too bad if the color was kept inside the lines, you picked a new perspective, used non-abrasive colors and asked someone with talent to paint it for you On one hand I want to give an A for effort but... F
 

Jon, age 8 submitted this one:

Ding Ding! Here comes the shit-mobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved. I would rather be burned to death than be saved by this hairy piece of shit. F
 

Rachel, age 7
That's interesting, everyone in this picture is white. Even the rainbow is white. Perhaps in an ideal world, everyone would be white isn't that right, Rachel? Or should I call you RACIST? Nice try, Hitler. F
 

Jason, Age 6. This one would receive an "A" if the assignment was to throw as much random shit onto a paper as poorly as you can. I've pissed patterns on snow that look more coherent than this. F
 

Seth, age 4
Vrrrroooooooooooommmmmm! Grade: F
 

Kelly, age 9

This was a Christmas gift from Kelly to her parents. Good job Kelly, now pack up your shit and find a foster home. If my kids tried to pass this off as a gift, they'd come home from school and find all their shit outside in a box. What a lousy gift, seriously. You give them video games and toys, and they give you some half-assed drawing with a crooked tree. I wonder how much a gift like this would set someone back. Five, maybe ten minutes to find a napkin and some markers? F

I can't believe how much I rule.
 

Stolen, er, Borrowed From The BBQ MAN

Disclaimer: If you are from the glorious state of Alabama and are easily offended, read no more. Submitted for your approval and perusal, v.c.

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have anymore children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me," said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count...
"1"

"2"

"3"

"4"

"5"
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, West Virginia and Washington DC

The "Beav" had to be the dumbest kid ever. Always influenced by Larry Mondello and Eddie Haskell. Cases in point:

1) "Beav, Your dad won't mind if we take out the soap box derby car and give it a truial run!"

"But, Larry. he might get mad."

"Chicken."

Larry: Let's smoke your dad's pipe. He'll never find out."

Beav: "I don't think so, Larry. It's not the right thing to do, y'know!"

LARRY: "Chicken"

Eddie: "I dare you to stick your head between these bars to the fence."

Beav: "I don't know, Eddie. My head might get stuck."

Eddie: "Are you a man or a mouse, squirt?"

Evidence submitted for your appproval. v.c.

 

Thanks to my cousin, Victor E. Smith, who sent me this picture today. All the way from Houston, Texas. Victor once hailed from Charleston, S.C. and uses the Charlestonian brogue. The denizens of Fort Sumter say "yerrs" for years. And other crazy things. But we still love 'em. Just hard to understand what the hell they're saying. Thanks, Vic, v.c. 

The 4th Bond 

"New Traffic"

From whence are the origins of new traffic to "V.C's" Golden Pond? Sounds like Shakespeare, eh?

New traffic, new traffic: Wherefore art thou?

If anyone stumbles onto this site-sans pornographers and infomercial types-my main blog is just around the corner at vietnamcatfish.blogspot.com. Farewell and adieu, v.c.

P.S. Yes, I am of French Ancestry. See the beginning of Vietnam for more details.

Circa 1959. Peter Cushing in the starring role.  

I'll be back, v.c. 

"Forbidden Planet." A big budget sci-fi thriller from the 50's. Poor Walter Pidgeon has gravitated over to the dark side of the force, pre Darth Vader, and is losing his mind. Why? His scientific experiments have run amok. Sound familiar? Also starred Leslie Nielson of the "Naked Gun" series.  

"The Giant Behometh" meets his/her ( they never revealed the sex of the behemoth ) Waterloo at Palisades Park roller coaster ride in Jersey. The poor prehistoric monster could not help it if he/she was brought back to life by an H Bomb, which imploded and awoke he/she from an icy cryogenic deep freeze. We're having a heat wave, a tropical heat wave, v.c. 

A really good movie. "The Incredible Edible Egg, er, The Incredible Shrinking Man." Haven't seen it since Hector was a pup. Atlassie, come home, v.c. 

As a young tyke I saw this movie at the Gordon Theatre, a neighborhood theatre. I think it cost a quarter to get in. And milk duds were probably a dime. All new, v.c.